


The Pawnee First Snow Town-Wide Winner Take All Extreme Snowball Fight

by RAVENSCORE



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M, Snow, Snowball Fight, punk ass book jockeys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:32:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RAVENSCORE/pseuds/RAVENSCORE
Summary: what the title says.  Idea originally from a fic by YolandaWinston.  Here's the fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1107020





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107020) by [YolandaWinston](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YolandaWinston/pseuds/YolandaWinston). 



Ben jolted from his bed. It was four AM and April had shoved a snowball in his face. She was grinning evilly as Andy doubled over laughing. “I told her not to!” Leslie said. Wait, Leslie? What was Leslie doing in their house? “Hurry, we don’t have much time!” she said, pacing around the room. “We still have to build forts, make ammo, and get the others before the rest of the town wakes up!”

 

“We can be fort duty.” April said as she and Andy raced out of the room, Andy giggling at the word duty.

 

“Okay, Ben, I need you to pick up Donna, Jerry, and Chris, I’ll find Ann, Ron, and Tom!”

 

“Wait, what is happening right now?” Ben, asked alarmed.

 

“Oh good lord, Ben, I keep forgetting what a Pawnee noob you are! Every year after the first big snowfall, the Pawnee First Snow Town-Wide Winner Takes All Extreme Snowball Fight begins! It’s supposed to be all for one, but everyone always forms alliances. Due to my early rising the parks department team remains undefeated! You in?” 

 

“Okay, sure. Just let me get dressed.”

 

***

 

Ben had picked up his friends and sure enough, when he arrived at the designated location behind city hall, Leslie and the others were making snowballs outside a magnificently built snow fort. Maybe having three children in the form of adults on your team could pay off, he thought as Andy, April, and Leslie barked orders and quickly made dozens of snow balls. “Ron, Andy, you guys need to go get our Secret Snowball Survival Stash from in the office!” Leslie yelled. She turned and saw Ben and the others. “Ben! Guys! You’re here! Hurry, we need to get to work!”

 

After a few minutes of snowball making, Ron and Andy emerged from the building carrying a few large boxes each. “Yes!” Leslie yelled as she ran over to help with the boxes. Well… sort of help, after about ten more steps she and Andy decided they couldn’t take it and handed their boxes to Ron. 

 

“It’s not our fault we’re in horrible shape!” Andy said defensively when they reached the fort.

 

“Yeah,” Leslie agreed, “if anything, it’s your fault.” She looked at Ben.

 

“How is it my fault?” Ben asked, smiling.  
“Because I - you- it- ugh! Just shut up and get to work Wyatt!” Ben grinned.

 

“Aye aye, captain!” He said. He liked when she bossed him around.

 

“Now, everyone take a snow survival pack, there should be enough.” Tom ordered as he walked over to the boxes and pulled out a bulky backpack. “Aaah!” He yelled as fell into the snow.

 

“Those who are fragile infants, like Tom, are advised against taking a bag.” said Ron as he grabbed one for himself. Ben walked forward and took a pack. It was oddly heavy, he set it down to rummage through it. When he opened it, it looked like someone had robbed the winter section at Toys R Us. There was a snowball crossbow, a snowball maker, a snowball slingshot, and about every other type of snowball weapon imaginable. There was also a thermos of hot chocolate, which Leslie informed them she had made earlier that morning. Ben dug around some more and found a green frisbee.

 

“What’s this for?” he asked.

 

“It’s a distress signal.” Donna explained, “You throw it up in the air if you need back up.”

 

“And this jump rope?”

 

“It’s for taking hostages.” Ann told him. Now he was getting a bit scared. 

 

“Is this a knife!?” 

 

“For cutting the jump rope if you get taken hostage” Jerry replied. Now he was getting very scared. People sure do take this thing seriously, especially these people. Before he could respond to how dangerous that was, he heard yelling

 

“It’s the sewage department!” Leslie cried as a group of sleazy guys and hot interns ran towards them. 

 

Ben ducked into the fort along with Tom, Donna, and Jerry. But Leslie, Ron, Chris, Ann, Andy, and April charged forward. Ben felt embarrassed for hiding in here like a coward while the woman he was in love with helped her friends defend him and the others who were too scared to fight. He suddenly felt a rush of bravery, he didn’t want her thinking he was a wimp. He grabbed a bunch of snowballs and ran out to join the fight. Then out came Donna after him, then Jerry after her. Finally, Tom yelled “Don’t leave me here alone!” and followed.

 

They were all out there fighting, and they were winning too. Ann and Chris hurled snowball after snowball at Sewage Joe, April was battling with one of the interns, and some very unfortunate guy was suffering Ron Swanson’s wrath in the form of bunched up snow flying at his head. Ben felt a snowball hit his back, and turned around to see Leslie fighting to the death with a guy from sewage. Ben joined her hurling snowballs at him, but when he ran over to get closer to them, he fell and landed on top of Leslie. She was staring at him. “Hi.” she said softly.

 

“Hi.” They stared at each other for what felt like forever until they were brought back to reality by their friends joyous yells after the sewage jerks retreated. They stood up awkwardly and ran over to high-five and hug their friends. 

 

“So what now?” Ben asked.

 

“Well,” Leslie started, “there are three main groups we need to defeat every time, the others are just a bunch of losers with no chance. The sewage department was first, the next battle is with a group of civilians and… a few other people.

 

***

 

As it turns out the group Leslie was referring to consisted of a few random citizens, the lady from Sue’s Salads, Councilmans Jamm and Dexhart, and - the one, the only - Greg Pikitis. Apparently some ragtag band of losers teamed up with some punk kids to form an evil menace of a snowball fight team. 

 

The friends sat in their fort and sipped hot chocolate while discussing battle strategies. “For this one we should sneak attack them. We should creep up to their base and pummel them with snowballs. Then we can capture that runt Pikitis and-”

 

“Leslie…” Ann said warningly.

 

“Right, sorry. Anyway, we should take someone hostage, and torture him and make him scream-”

 

“Leslie, as much as I admire your bloodlust, you cannot go around torturing teenagers.” Ron adds.

“But this teenager deserves it.” she mumbles, followed by another mumble about stupid poo face mermaid Ann and stupid doo-doo head idiot Ron. 

 

“Anyway,” Ann says while Leslie continues to mumble to herself, “we’ll sneak in through the woods then attack from the left when they’re most off guard and-”

 

“Who let Ann be in charge?” April shouts. “I agree with Leslie, let’s run in and stab them all with knives.”  
“Okay!” Leslie yells, “April’s on my side, let's vote everyone!”

 

“No. No. No.” Ben says. Leslie slouches back down, now mumbling some very mean things about him as well. “We’ll go with Ann’s idea.” Ben continues.

 

And so they begin their hike through the nearby woods. Ben speeds up a bit (more like a lot) to catch up with Leslie. “So,” he says, “this is a fun tradition.” He glances at his watch, it’s about six thirty.

 

“Yeah, it’s the best. We’ve been doing it forever. I remember, when I was a little kid, my parents would always come out with me and we would totally dominate.” She replies.

 

“I’m surprised you got Ron and April to go along with it, they never want to do anything.”

 

“Are you kidding? The get to pelt people with snow in a war like environment. They love it! Ron was so surprised when I broke into his house at four thirty to tell him. You should have seen his face.” She imitates a surprised face, “Leslie what are you doing in my house?” She says in a Ron imitation. She thinks for a minute. “Y’know, it might have been the fact that I broke into his house at four in the morning that surprised him, not the snow.”

 

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Ben grins. He doesn’t know when he wraps his arm around her, but he does, and once they finish laughing they both realise it. They look down.

 

“Umm…” Leslie says.

 

“Sorry!” Ben exclaims awkwardly as he pulls his arm away.

 

“I’m just gonna go walk with Ann..”

 

***

 

When they attack, all hell breaks loose. “Die Pikitis! Die Jamm! Die salads!” Leslie is screaming. That’s when Ben sees Pikitis pull out a stash of ice balls. He grabs one and chucks it at Leslie. Ben tries to warn her but she isn’t listening. He runs forward and dives, shoving her to the ground, just in time for the ice ball to brush by and hit Jerry instead. Thank God no one but Jerry was hurt.

 

And now he's lying on top of her again. “Hello again.”

 

“Hi.”

 

“Leslie, Ben! What are you doing? Get up!” Andy yells as he and Ann pummel Pikitis with snowballs. Ben watched as Leslie runs over to help Donna fight the salad lady. Ben joins Ron and Tom in fighting Jamm and some other dude. April was fighting Dexhart. The fight went on forever. Ben was covered in snow and freezing. 

 

He wanted to quit but everyone else seemed to be able to keep going, it was amazing how intense the people in this town were. It was an amazing town filled with amazing people. Fun, smart, positive, feisty, talented, beautiful, blonde haired people. No, he needed to focus. Besides, it was against the rules, and Leslie practically lived for rules, it could never happen.

 

He doesn’t know how it happens, but they manage to win. Actually he does know how it happens, the cause is rambunctious, quirky, vicious, and called the parks and recreation department of Pawnee, Indiana. 

 

 

***

 

“This is it, our most deadly battle yet.” Leslie says.

 

“We may not survive.” Tom adds.

 

“Someone is going to die in there.” says Ron. Leslie turns to him.

 

“You sure you don’t want to sit this one out?”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

“Seriously, Ron, you probably shouldn’t go in there.” Ben warns.

 

They’re standing outside of the Pawnee Public Library. Jerry was carrying a cooler full of snowballs. Their plan was to run in and attack using their private stash. “And, one… two… three!” Leslie screams as they charge forward and push open the doors, hurling snowballs everywhere in sight. Then they realise, everything is quiet, there’s no one in sight. “Those punk ass book jockeys have got to be around here somewhere! Everyone, break into teams of two, yell something or throw a frisbee if you need help. Ann, you marvelous indigo oak tree, you’re with me.”

 

Leslie and Ann go off together, Ben goes with Chris, Andy with April, Tom with Donna, and Ron gets stuck with Jerry. Ben and Chris walk for a while, they start to hear whispers. Ben is getting scared now. They turn around a shelf and Ben nearly has a heart attack when they bump into someone. Oh good, it’s just Ann and Leslie. “You scared the crap out of me!” Ben says, no longer worried about the whispers, assuming they were from those two.

 

“Sorry.” replies Ann. “Were you the ones whispering?”

 

“We thought that was you!” exclaims Chris. All of a sudden they hear a yell.

 

“Attack!” The librarians, led by Tammy Two, emerge from a secret passageway behind a bookshelf like in the movies. It’s literally the coolest thing Ben has ever seen. He wonders if he can get one. “Focus Ben, not the time!” He thinks to himself. They begin pelting the four friends with snowballs. 

 

“Help!” he cries, throwing his frisbee to alert the others. They all quickly come. Jerry and Ron are the last to arrive, carrying their ammo.

 

“Hi, Ron.” Tammy says, seductively. He chucks a snowball at her face. Ben is battling with one of the librarians. It’s getting intense, for everyone. Tom is on the ground crying, he runs away, bawling his eyes out. Jerry surrenders too. Within a matter of time it’s just Ben, Leslie, Ron, and Ann. 

 

The librarians eventually run back to their passageway to refill their snowball stash. “What should we do now?” Ben asks.

 

“They’re going to kill us all.” Ron tells them.

 

“We need more snowballs.” says Ann. “I’ll go get us some more.”

 

“I’ll help.” Ron adds. Now it’s just Leslie and Ben.

 

“Oh my God! Ben! I just got the best idea! How much do you weigh?”

 

***

 

She tells him her plan and it’s genius. “Let’s take these punk ass book jockeys down.” He says. And at that moment after hearing him utter such words of hatred towards the library, she kissed him. She pulled him in and kissed him.

 

 

***

 

Ben is hiding in an air vent, making the final adjustments to their trap. Below him he hears phase one, the bait, taking place. “Nah nah na boo boo, you can’t hit us!” Leslie yells as she and Ron dodge snowballs. Ann is hiding behind a bookshelf, waiting to pull the rope. As Ron and Leslie move nearer to Ben and Ann, the librarians do too. Ann sets off the trap and snow from the cooler dumps all over their enemies. Those punk ass book jockeys run back through their secret passageway which Ben very much envies.

 

The gang runs outside. “Now it’s just us.” says Ann.

 

“On the count of three.” says Leslie. “One, two three!” The four friends begin to fight amongst themselves. Ann and Ron eventually get picked off and leave to meet the others back at city hall. “We’re alone now.” Leslie says to Ben. 

 

They pull each other in and begin to passionately make out. Then, Ben feels something cold on his face. Leslie has shoved a snowball at him.

 

“I win.”


End file.
